In the Foreground

I had this dream
where I would stand one
day on top of the world
looking down over its
beauty not as a god or a
king

For that would be ridiculous
to lay claim over something
not meant to be enslaved by
a species

But just to have that sublime
solitarian view knowing at any
second I could pass from this
life into another conscious state
leaving this realm through oxygen
depletion

However, it is but a dream living
inside a subliminal Eco-sphere
guarded from those who know
nothing more of its precious value
than to use is as a backdrop for their
self-celebrity syndrome

Still the most beautiful thing in all
the world is a photo of Sagarmātha
uncluttered by a human in the foreground

Katovski2017

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The Bottle

A message came in a bottle
the label said in case of
emergency break me

Wondering what then defines
a break worthy situation for
there were no other instructions

Thinking thoughts considering the
obvious changing the angle of
presentation feeds back nothing

Like a first aid kit I put it with my
things in case a dire need should
arise

I really don’t recall when it was
that I found that bottle but I do
remember the exact moment in
time when motion slowed into
the shattering release

Picking a note from the shards
reading the words “don’t worry”
feeling something looking around
seeing nothing deep breath faint
of heart head spinning restart

While the bottle may not be forever
the message inside may just be

Feeling particularly broken? wondering
at what point then did I become the
bottle or did the bottle become me

Katovski2017

Intonation

I asked you not to go in the
same voice I begged you to
stay

There was just no stopping
that and even though I tried
getting out of the way I was
not quick enough to avoid
being broken

Inwardly obliterated outward
disguise can I rebuild the
wreckage or create a parallel
innermost world

Ashes and dust fragments of
a past should I be holding them
for later or let them scatter in
the wind

Places out there everywhere
call to me yet no one answers
back

Is it because when I soul search
it’s not my own? I could use the
company or do the fragmented
characters of my reality frighten
you?

Not a day passes without a vision
of an hour in another time wondering
what really happened but how then
can I even know

Its quiet I can’t find you or you’re
hiding just out of reach I’m lost in
the depths of my own despair no
direction hidden destination

I asked your location in the same
voice as I begged you

Katovski2017

All I Have Left

Embarking on an adventure
long thought of carefully
considered randomly planned
and plotted

It’s time to go, this place no
longer holds me in its grip
actions not only speak louder
than but also prove the truth
of words

Maybe it’s my gypsy spirit or
it could just be the perception
of something faded and reality
came into view

At any rate being welcomed into
an unwelcoming place is a strange
and unnerving experience yet the
counter rotating struggle will never
change

The truth is at hand and maybe it
will set me free. So, here I go on
a backroad less traveled it’s all I
have left in this life

Katovski2017

Short Term Memory…?

Hi! My name is Dory
Yes! I need an appointment card
to remind me to add this to my
phone but I also need that email
two days before and the phone
call the evening prior so I can
remember to be here on a given
day at a specific time

I also left a note telling me where
the appointment card is and a
reminder to check with google to
ensure my arrival

I put important papers on my
phones so I won’t forget them
when I leave but that didn’t work
because I took the papers off my
phones and set them aside because
there wasn’t a note nor did I check
with Google so I remembered the
papers after I arrived at the destination
where I needed them

There is an application that reminds
me to take my medication and also
logs it so when I cannot remember
whether I took it or not it will tell me
so I don’t have to count pills or risk
taking a second dose I also left myself
a note to tell you that

My phone has a better memory than
I do because it’s not affected by neuron
displacement anxiety or depression along
with any other thing that causes pseudo dementia
the diagnosis that is responsible for my short term
memory loss

My name is Dory what’s yours

Katovski2017

Moments Like This

The sum total of my amazement
was spent here today. For a look
within the look through a vision
of a version of beautiful so unique,
I found myself standing for sitting
shows no respect for the one who
holds the hearts of many. Now the
secret is out and my admiration can
be hidden no more. It was the piercing
look that found its way to the innermost
chambers of the secret place reserved for
moments like this

Katovski2017

thank you for the inspiration Darya Goncharova

Something Stronger Than Love

I was thinking this evening
as I often do considering
the future wondering if I
could find you

Maybe I’m dreaming in a
time or about a place which
I have already found or one
that could be calling me

Recently my inner world
unlocked a door in a box
to a secret destination
holding something important

This may perhaps be an ordinary
key which might just be the one
lovely thing that turns a lock
to a heart shaped box holding
something stronger than love

Remembering that love is an
action more than a word which
can only prove itself in a deed
within a deed from an object
taken from a box stored in a
secret compartment in a world
within a world which when held
hostage complicates everything

Forgiveness shouldn’t be so hard
to find to give to restore the balance
for it is the key within the key inside
the box containing the action that
proves beyond a shadow that love
is real

I’m dreaming of a wish made inside
a dream of a certain place where
Ursa minor can be seen in a sky full
of stars as a beautiful backdrop in
which I can look into your eyes and
and you will know the action of love
in the spoken words, I forgive you

Katovski2017

MeltDown

What? Hey, where are you going?
I don’t understand. What happened?

Step into my nightmare, I’m a loner
abandoned by any other term what’s
the matter what’s my damage? The
room is full and I’m alone

I went someplace you went your own
way that broke me into what I am today
Feel the heat pressure cooker burning
They’re so pretty, the cosmos not your
friend. Head spinning stomach turning

I’ll be fine biggest lie don’t watch me while
I don’t eat. Pain is real imaginary pain it won’t
stop, nothing I can do what kills it can kill me
too hold my head writhe around until the
body claims the Shutdown

Wide awake thinking over thinking under
replay in my brain over and over call the
audible psychobabble isn’t crazy it’s just
working out details of how to change a
situation that cannot be changed

Time machine disrupted continuum something
changed in the present universe or it hit me
with a blindside right hook I’m telling mom

Honorable intent misread I am not those who
did that yet somehow in your eyes I am. Judge
not, there are angels among us? Who knew?
I don’t know but I heard the voices just out
of reach

House of cards of dark shadows broken glass
it’s raining I’m bleeding and still cannot find
you, was I thinking of myself or you, maybe
that’s the problem, just don’t know

Trying to recall you from another dimension
broke something sacred now there is Irreparable
damage and clearly no winner

I’m genetically sick and breaking down. Are you?
I am no you’re not oh yeah tell that to my
body. Stop generalizing me with those
patronizing tones. What the fuck is wrong
with you it’s right there in the report that
you never read

Hoping that I’ll give up? All you’re doing is
triggering this meltdown

Katovski2017

The land of Eternal Blue Sky

It’s one of those nights
I found myself silently
thinking of a place in
a picture somewhere
far away

We spoke of death do us
part and where the ashes
must go but this has not a
thing to do with sadness

High in the mountains
outside of Alma-Ata in the
shadow of the iconic peak
Tengri where deep magic
might be found lies a resting
place for ashes scattered in
the wind

But the thing of it is I don’t
want to go there to do what
you asked, not yet, for only
to release your spirit then
how will I ever know the
magic you have spoken of

Even if a picture can speak
a thousand words it fails to
convey the feeling needed
which empowers more than
a spirit and connects the sky
god with the heart of a mere
mortal

How could I even find the way
without my guide, I could become
lost in the land of eternal blue sky
but then I don’t think that would
be such a bad thing

Katovski2017

Secretly

Secretly in the midst of night
I close my eyes and find you
somewhere near the sea of
tranquility where my fondest
memories come to life

Deep thoughts and even deeper
conversations take place within
the confines of my subconscious

Vivid becomes this sixty-four bit
full technicolor alternate reality
in which the senses also come to
life

While the quadraphonic Dolby enhanced
surround sound of your voice strikes
the temporal bones within my ears
with the sweetest symphonic melodies

The intensity of this place lends way
to a certain olfactory sense in which
your exquisite scent augments the
realities drifting through this beautiful
dreamscape

Yet something is missing in the same
way I have gone in that the taste of
your kiss is absent from all my realities
altered or not

And I don’t know what to do about it
I keep altering my already altered states
hoping to find to change to unlock the
mystery behind this absence but nothing
is working

I ‘m driving myself crazy turning tranquility
into turbulence so much so that at times
I jump straight out of a dream and into
insomnia where I can lay awake and over
think the situation

Just when that is not enough a still small
voice in my darkness tells me that my
altered state sense of touch must be broken
because I have not felt you fingers glide
across my skin in any dreamscape since
that day

So, I think I must be dying because I keep
losing my senses and I still don’t know
what to do about any of this

But one thought keeps repeating over
and over as I run from one altered reality
to another hoping to find the answer knowing
only one possible truth

If I could just feel your touch within any
certainty that would change everything
but secretly I already know the answer

Katovski2017