Katovski having surgery

On June 5th Katovski will be having surgery on his right elbow to repair the damage from the car wreck back in march. I’m going to be down for a while since I won’t be able to use my right arm and hand for a couple of months or more. I will keep everyone updated and post here when I can.

I will be using the voice to text application on my computer and  when the the massive frustration from using it subsides I will try  to post some new work

stay tuned for a blog about the 6-9 month recovery adventure about to begin!

thanks for stopping by  and thanks for liking what I do ! you are appreciated

TrulyYours , Katovski

 

Turbulence

Hang on folks it’s going to get rough
is the voice I hear every time the
alert above my head goes off and I
get that feeling of a roller-coaster
falling fast

except the oxygen masks don’t drop
and it’s getting hard to breathe I’m
fighting to maintain just enough
control and there it is, I’ve lost it
my pants are wet, standing in front
of a crowd waiting to hear me and
no one can take their eyes off my
inadequacy

suddenly the only words that come
are the ones not rehearsed, they
fly out of my mouth in a crazy eyed
blurt exclaiming loud and direct
“I’m up here”!

there is about a millisecond to
recover and find the balance
between my turbulent reaction
and the obvious walk of shame

to seize the day sometimes means
moving forward despite personal
physical obstacles

if then this is your day
regardless of the turbulence
how will you seize it

Katovski2017

Perfect Pitch

There were three steps forward
my fingers touched the summit
forces beyond the realm of my
physical control kicked me from
the mountain

out there somewhere, never
finding the bottom suspended
between time logic and space
continues to hold fast the key

what then becomes mystery or
mysterious is a deception for the
open eye where when closed
they mediate the meditation focus
revealing doors to passageways
leading to the center core of life

some would say I’m lost, others
may understand I’ve sidestepped
time as it flies by waiting for my
moment, chances are this instant
may be a onetime ordeal in which
the rhythm of life has to match
perfect pitch

according to the previous book of
life left behind by a jumper bearing
a familiar mark

and of these rhythm steps and time
quotations counting down the beat
to a certain signature then stepping
through the longa into a four step
silent passage opening up in the living
breathing center core of life

as my eyes then open I find my feet
planted firmly upon the summit from
which I can see for eternity within myself
and believe

Katovski2017

Mixed Media

How to stop loving someone
when they’re no longer with
you even though they send
messages and call acting
concerned HOW

yet someone is terrified of
losing the friendship, they
threw away but understand
it’s not fair to give false hope

I’m angry at myself for believing
there is any good in the heart
of any one person, because there’s
not,

word play is so full of ulterior
motive which bleeds over into
actions confusing the mind of
the seeker

causing the spill over of heart
feelings and now everyone
knows my shame

then come the cathartic words
that make it easier to sleep at
night for the one who says they
love and miss me

how can any of this be? something
died inside the day you departed
before the day you told me

and now I’m writing this so that
I can feel better about being the
one who thought there was a bit
of truth to hold on to in the mixed
media message from someone who
thought I was still an option

Katovski2017

“Repeat” a word not worth living

Maybe this should be easy to understand
but it isn’t, my depression speaks for me
of an addiction

it’s not what you think, I can’t eat it, snort
it, drink it, or inject it. but it is the knife
that never stops cutting, I’m standing on
the outside looking in unable to stop the
bleeding

deep heart puncture residue scaring can’t
fight the feeling mind body craving the
needing

words spoken and or written create the
false sense of sparks rekindling sealed
in a kiss and the circle is complete or is
it, the here I go again of things unfinished

I’m up sitting laying down thinking going
over and over the details of my life crying
it’s late I can’t sleep searching for a way
to change the outcome of everything that
led to this minute

the voices dance in and out around about
murmurings inaudible until they change
speaking clearly offering a way to see the
light

but it’s not the exit I seek it’s just a pass off
of my pain to anyone who cared and I can’t
do that to another

in public, I hold it together but alone I’m falling
apart standing at the edge where there’s not
enough footing to grasp the gravity of my dire
situation

I put all my secret feelings out there in the open
only to watch them complete a new circle and
repeat a previous disaster,

actions louder than words drive me deeper into
confusion, this should be easy to understand but
it isn’t

Katovski2017

Tonight I Wait

It’s a question and nothing more
the answer rests with one or is
there a riddle within the query

a chance taken either becomes
the chance given or is left alone
and a case stated becomes the
labor of that which confuses yet
its act clarifies the truth

where a circle has no beginning
and no end somehow there is a
magic in its fullness that always
returns me back

to a point thirteen degrees left
of the northern magnetic pole
in that place where the world
became lost around us and the
single most important thing we
found was an unbreakable bond

certain forces have succeeded to
break us but still our bond remains
even though we are apart for now
or forever

your heart is already in that place
I’m walking backwards so I can see
you coming just in case you change
your mind

soon I’ll arrive at our perfect place
wondering of questions and answers
tonight, I wait

Katovski2017

Don Quixote

Of giants and windmills hallucinations founded
a religion, somewhere in time, they followed
the leader drinking the drink of drinks in an odd
place dying on the way to a paradise that didn’t
exist

they rise they fall they drop acid and believe
a psychedelic foray into the recesses of an already
troubled mind finds them some sort of delusional
enlightenment

and Don Quixote instantly becomes a “transformational
motivational” speaker lacking skill, and education to be a
teacher

it’s all fun and games until they cross the line like
David Koresh thinking he was god and all the females
living in the compound no matter their age belonged
to him sexually

fast forward to the present where “my touch is strong”
so, “I will hug you creepily long and try to kiss you because
you should submit to me”

I’m on a quest to self-love and use the word agape even
though I don’t know that it really means “of the mouth”

instead I hide behind the c1600 christian redefined
version especially when I offend someone to the point of
sexual assault

you should beware of people like me because every time you
pat me on the back and say its ok you help me reach my dreams
while ruining someone else’s

Katovski2017

Ions in the Air

Just as darkness fell upon,
our hands found the door

the water fell far enough
from one cave to another
releasing negative ions
into the air

often I find myself back
in a memory playing like
a slide show breathing in
the recharge

such are the dreams I still
dream whether it’s day
or night even some where
in between

the ions in the air brought
to life intimate details of a
time where we were the
world around us and that
world became the most
important place to be

there is still a place in that
world where intimate
memories wait to find the
recharge it is there that I
wait with them

Katovski2017

Domino

Tonight I tried but I got in the way
something happened that wasn’t
supposed to now I suffer alone

sleeping genes awaken taking life
a direction never dreamed, leaving
hands empty but not my heart

the tests of time take the time
twisting it into a contortion of
certain reveries

no one sees me try no one sees me
fail no one feels my pain nor do they
hear me cry

I’m angry at the domino effect of sickness
and side effects that disable me in a way
that no one seems to understand

my expectations led to huge disappointments
in that I expected people to believe me when
I said I can’t

I’m heartbroken not in losing everything
but I lost the one I needed to keep and so
began the final unraveling

they said you are not alone, empty words
mean nothing when that is all I feel as I
hide behind my smile and a laugh because
I would rather show that than what is really
going on inside

I wanted to write something pretty and that
didn’t happen because I got in the way

Katovski2017