Tag Archives: love

Within Reach

I wanted to hug you when
we last met, but was afraid.
you see, I had already fallen

or was it that I tripped and fell
and was free falling because
that is the feeling I get when
you’re close enough to see the
sparkle in your eyes

yet there was no fear of the
impact only that someone
would reach out and catch me
not understanding the meaning
directly or the need to make a
precision landing

deep within the heart of the one
person who moved me in a way
when she smiled gave the
sensation that nothing was missing

you were and always will be my love
at first sight on any given day or in
the dark of any random night

and for as long as I know you I will
keep asking how to find Polaris
because there is nothing quite as
beautiful as standing behind you
star gazing knowing the most
amazing person is within reach

Robert S Katovski Olson2018

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Outside My Imagination

My love life is complicated
It exists only in my heart
For my head gave up on
Believing

She knows precisely how I
Feel yet I wonder if she
believes enough to take a
Chance

It’s been one trip around the
Sun since all my secret feelings
Were put out there and those
Who are so quick to judge
Laughed their laughs and pointed

But what they don’t know is a book
Of a different cover and here I am
still alive and alone in a completely
Different place than when I was dying

Maybe the reasons for being alone
Are for lessons learned in the key
Of want versus need where a fine
Line is drawn between

What I do know is that it’s okay to
Be alone after living a life of need
For I would rather want to be with
Her than to depend upon her
Because that would be needy

I wonder if she knows that my head
And heart agree and wanting her is
Part of what makes me the person
I am today

Maybe one day my love life will exist
Outside my imagination

Robert S Katovski Olson 2018

She is Amazing

I sat down just to think
about everything and
nothing in particular
yet how to do that
without exposing my
innermost feelings

to a person who means
perhaps more to me than
she may ever know and
there you have it we know
this is about a woman an
amazing woman

some thirteen years had
passed from the loss of
a friend I called best
to the time when she
stepped gracefully into
my life

now she too has exited
from what I believe to
be my greatest dream
right into a place which
is not so pleasant

in that access has been
denied by a force greater
than my own to a point
that even though she is
still my best friend we
are but passing spirits in
the night

which leads to the most
amazing dreams or is it
insane to find such
pleasantry in what should
be deemed a nightmare
because when morning
comes I still am alone
without her

am I then bewitched or
is it that my dreams flow
from an imagination set
to protect a child like
innocence that some
would call stupidity

or can there be reality
in things called miracles
changes of heart do
happen but do they have
a reverse or is it just let
it go and wait until maybe
love returns but does that
have anything to do with
nothing in particular

they say as time goes on
this will get easier yet they
know absolutely nothing
about a friendship forged
in the fires that lead us to
each other

and here I am feeling like
I am losing even that and
for what

I’m hanging on to the little
things because they are
really the most important

maybe tonight I can find her
in a dream for that moment
where everything is right

after all I did tell you she is
amazing

Robert S Katovski Olson 2018

What’s Love Got to do with it

I see you walking toward me
there’s something in the air
reacting with my chemistry set
causing this body to override
the brain

call it desire, call it craving
call it what it is, lust
and suddenly I cannot think
of anything but touching you

there’s this spot just inside your
elbow when gently caressed
gives rise to the skin beneath
my fingers

yet when these lips softly kiss
the nape of your neck breath falls
short and temperatures ascend
to the quickening of your heartbeat

our chemicals are reacting within
a spontaneous combustion to a point
where I feel your nails digging deep
and that pain pleasure mix stirs the
caldron to the point

where love has nothing to do with
this increasing need to look deep
into your eyes as we come together

Katovski 2018

My Suicide

Once upon a movie, the memory
triggered from a time that refuses
to stay buried in the past

even though a promise made and kept
remains the most difficult task, due to
circumstances beyond the mortal control
of any one person

not everyone has the same story which
often leads to a copycat result, but maybe
there is synchronicity in their path

could it be that some share the same need
to be and feel loved, but why is it that we don’t?
personally, I know my parents and my child love me
but I need something far different from that

it’s been a longtime since I felt the touch that
found home, while the hugs and love you brothers
made in greetings are wonderful, yet usually stay
right where they were cast

people that consider it, often leave subtle hints in hope
that someone will talk to them about what is going on
they may do this several times before just fading away
becoming the mother fucker, in, “I can’t believe that mother
fucker did that to us” which is a shoe best never worn

sometimes they just lose their shit, while others lose everything
and in the continual taking away of puzzle pieces that complete,
the voices begin to bully, telling me, that everyone would be
better off without me because no one, not a soul loves me, but
little do they know, a promise made to a five-year-old makes
me stronger than all the voices combined

we may never know what causes people to hate their lives and I wish
there was a way to convince them to just remove the parts they hate
instead of creating a new group of victims left to wonder why

Robert S Katovski Olson2017

Absolutely Nothing

It’s that sick feeling in the
pit of your stomach the same
one you thought was butterflies
early on

funny isn’t it, how a feeling can
have two meanings completely
opposite from one another

the pain experienced when a heart
breaks itself differs much from that
of the shattering caused by another

but then this feeling so many get hooked
on is nothing more than a lie perpetuated
on the need to mate

somewhere in time someone hung a price tag
on such a thing and then commerce was born
in the name of love

boiled down and dissected nothing about it is
free, for it can take your money, your happiness,
and your self-esteem

leaving you alone in a crowd where no one will even
see you, you’re just something to step around like
the indigent on the corner holding a sign worded
need a hug

there wasn’t a question there it was a request for
a basic human need, yet so many struggle on without

people often drop subtle hints as to what is wrong
or what they are about to do but humanity is too worried
about what will it cost them to reach out and touch someone

my butterflies turned to nausea, it’s a good thing I can swim
and or tread water because I realized that unless I come right
out and say that I’m hearing the voices and they keep saying
the same thing they have always said and I am still here alone
trying to be stronger than the very voices telling me I would be
better off

when all that it would take is for one person to realize that my
struggle is real and it could very well end in the dynamics of
something as simple as a caring embrace that cost absolutely
nothing

RobertSKatovskiOlson2017

Happily Never After

Life, it’s all about choices
which define a direction,
some of which are blind
leaps of faith while others
seem a bit more rational
in the promise of something
better than the present

in every choice there is
a giving up of one thing
in order to have the other
and in this, it is a rare occasion
that one can honestly say they
have considered what it is that
is being given up

to state my case clearly would
be to admit to a thirteen year
relationship with a ghost, who
became trading stock for someone
other, someone I could touch
and feel, someone tangible

the making of that choice became
the choosing to release the spirit
of one most dear for a perception,
which led to the day in which I
became a choice not taken

wise advice finds its way within
through hindsight clarity to where
greener grass exists only in thought

people often say the pain will ease
in time, but the only thing fading is
the memory, which is now two-fold
and I am angry, for one chose me not
but still loves me and the other, I gave
up perfection to be left with nothing

I feign a bit of happiness so that those
who cannot see past its veil, will justly
believe that I’m alright, but then there
are few who know better

and now to no avail, I have tried conjuring
the ghost while growing increasingly weary
of what I seek, wouldn’t it be perfect if when
we made a choice that didn’t work out quite
in the way we expected the previous would
return without question like nothing contrary
had ever happened?

said the one holding nothing, it doesn’t work
that way! when you let go you let go, there
are no do overs, no punch backs, no mulligans

and to the ones who were not chosen, and still
hope for happily ever after, you’re standing at
a crossroad called happily never after.

Katovski 2017

Tonight I Wait

It’s a question and nothing more
the answer rests with one or is
there a riddle within the query

a chance taken either becomes
the chance given or is left alone
and a case stated becomes the
labor of that which confuses yet
its act clarifies the truth

where a circle has no beginning
and no end somehow there is a
magic in its fullness that always
returns me back

to a point thirteen degrees left
of the northern magnetic pole
in that place where the world
became lost around us and the
single most important thing we
found was an unbreakable bond

certain forces have succeeded to
break us but still our bond remains
even though we are apart for now
or forever

your heart is already in that place
I’m walking backwards so I can see
you coming just in case you change
your mind

soon I’ll arrive at our perfect place
wondering of questions and answers
tonight, I wait

Katovski2017

Ions in the Air

Just as darkness fell upon,
our hands found the door

the water fell far enough
from one cave to another
releasing negative ions
into the air

often I find myself back
in a memory playing like
a slide show breathing in
the recharge

such are the dreams I still
dream whether it’s day
or night even some where
in between

the ions in the air brought
to life intimate details of a
time where we were the
world around us and that
world became the most
important place to be

there is still a place in that
world where intimate
memories wait to find the
recharge it is there that I
wait with them

Katovski2017

Did I Get It Wrong

Have I lived my time
with you and now its
over?

no looking back even
if it feels good to the point
that it brings on the sadness
flowing through my veins from
that eternal crack in my heart
that never healed from the first
break.

did I get it wrong?
thinking that continually
re-breaking it will in some
way eventually heal my heart
correctly

what if the hammer that
initially broke it is hiding
in the recesses of a damaged
memory

will taking my hand from its
handle figuratively count as
literally letting it go and will
that be enough

the past will never change
but knowing that, will find
some balance in the future

now I’m looking forward
still recognizing hopes and
dreams that have yet to be
realized

seeing the other side of
that which finds your
beauty wondering if
I ever told you

alas, maybe it’s too late for
such things

Katovski2017