It’s become painfully clear
after looking deep inside
that for some reason far
beyond my realm of thinking
when it comes to choices
some are better than others
and I’m sitting here on the
sidelines waiting to be called
into the game
it’s halftime and the coach is
screaming for us to keep going
keep doing what we are doing
and we will collectively win
there is a lot of truth in that
energy yet being suited up
to play and only getting to
be a jersey wearing cheerleader
will never find for me the
end zone
as I sit and reflect think and
project often wondering why
that afternoon all those years
ago changed me in a way that
since the last drop leaked out
and a spirit left me alone there
has never been a chance to
become someone’s first or
best choice
surrounded by the beauty of
people I so adore hiding behind
a lens sometimes craving
something more lost and alone
capturing the loveliness of a
moment trying to forget the reason
for becoming this broken knowing
all along it must be me
Robert S Katovski Olson 2018