I Know How You Feel

One great failure of humanity is

The ability to understand a feeling

Instead we try to project ourselves

Into someone else’s feeling

 

I Know How You Feel

 

Really do you

Are you sure about that

So please

Elaborate on how I feel

 

Tell me what it felt like

To find your best friend

Bleeding out

From the suicide attempt

That worked this time

 

Go head

Tell me how you tried in vain to stop the flow

And the insanity that ensued

Finding yourself covered in blood

As the last drop drained out

 

Tell me how it was when her heart stopped

And you felt her spirit leave

Can you even begin to tell me

What it was like to be so helpless

As to feel so ultimately alone

 

 

 

 

You can’t can you

And you don’t know

How much I wish you could

So just once for a millisecond

I could know the feeling

Of never having lived that day

 

But I can’t

It’s a part of me

Playing over and over and over

So don’t tell me you fucking know

How I feel

 

You can’t know can you

Because no one can share

The same circumstance

Unless they were there

 

Just once

I wish I could loose the reins

And say that

Instead of smiling and saying

“That’s nice”

And walking off

Katovski©2013

Passive

Passive


 

What is this unresisting manner

Maybe a tactical humanity CIA

Peaceful counter flank

In which I am treated

Only to get their way

 

Certain things don’t exist

I’m not going to play this game

The guidance system

For those non-verbal missiles

Carrying intermittent worded war heads

Seems to be flawed

Because the target is either on the move

Or just has not and will not buy in

Point counter point left flank right

Surrounded circled wagon surge 

I am not the enemy

Stop trying to change me

 

Aggressive

 

Yes sometimes I do cry

During an emotional part in a movie

Or even while rehearsing my material

So what

Beautiful things move me in ways

That some people will never understand

Does that make me less of a man in the eyes of any

Step up then and live the life I have lived

Few are the entrants to my inner world

Fewer are they who know the path I have wandered

Step up or just shut up

Stop playing to your audience of one

 

Maybe they are just bullies  

 Most fall hard in the tears of a man

And heed should be taken

For there is no weakness

Within the tender heart of the meek

 

Does anyone really think

That making fun of someone’s

Emotional method for creation

Will ever make them change

Do people hate the creative

That much so as to feel the need

To destroy their ability to create

Of fear and loathing I choose that latter

For I will never fear them

 

Epilog

 

People often try

To change those in their life

Trying to fit them into a mold

Of how and or what they

Think they should be 

Instead of changing themselves

They begin to hate

 

If only people could look

Within themselves

Taking the time to breathe deep

And exhale their own beauty

Then they would understand the creative

 

There is no time

                No time

                None at all

For me to change for anyone

You see

 

I am lost on a road less traveled

To finding and becoming

A better shade of me

The world is

Constantly changing

Forcing my own

Misguided state of entropy

 

 

Katovski©2013

 

 

The Freedom to be Me

If only now I could touch the stars again

But there is this chain on my leg

Robbing me holding me down

Tic toc time clock

You stand there

Like someone’s mother

Holding tight

Your gestapo watch

Two hours is quite enough

Now tell your friends bye

And let’s go I have other things to do

Oh mother my mother

            I left your household at nineteen      

            How is it then that you still visit me

Vicariously through other people

And without my consent

You lost your right to raise me

            When you first charged me rent

            Yet still someone fights

            To be my master

My home turned gulag

            Hold it in don’t say it

            The walls they shrink

            Confining solitary

            Choke collar

            Dog on a leash

            I am not your pet

            Nor are you my master

Tic toc tic toc

            Words that find deaf ears

            With no understanding

            Under pressure hot fire burning

            Tic toc tic toc time bomb

            No means no

            Boom!!!

If only now I could touch the stars again

            And find the freedom to be me

Katovski©2013

 

Foolish Games

 

Foolish men play foolish games

That could be better settled

Upon a board of chess

 

How many innocent women

And children will die tomorrow

With your carefully guided

Highly advanced technology

 

Threats after threat are hurled

Like playground boys 

Until finally defcon turns the key

And one boy of the frenzy

Instead of taking his little

Red wagon and going home

In one last fed up action

Pushes the button

 

Setting off a chain reaction

That could possibly

Liberate all of humanity

 

Look to the light

The unnaturally bright

Shining light

Fire cleansed the earth

Reboot

Katovksi©2013

 

Require to Respire


Sometimes life has a requirement

That must be satisfied

In order to pass to the next level

There may come a time

When one must say

Fuck it and take leave

Of what they love

In order to rise above

The feeling now

Is that this time has come

The signs are apparent

That I too must utter

This magical phrase to depart  

Stepping light the stones

Into the unseen world

Of the less imagined

Truly wondering

What turns the next corner

And if the bloodied tears

I’ve shed will find for me

My amazement

Katovski©2013

Miss Understanding

The sun sets across the western plains

Dipping deep into the sun rise

Of an altered state and time

Encroaching darkness

Rolling like a tidal wave

Forcing out the light

Finally my eyes don’t hurt

I’m dancing with the night

My first grade teacher

Informed me that our voice

Comes directly from the soul

And now I am told that my heart

Is in the wrong place

Otherwise the light would not hurt me so

Breathe deep the crisp cool air

There is a certain beauty

In the middle of the night

Because dark is just an altered state of light

If you want one then be one

Look at your hand

Count them your fingers

Assign each one to a true friend

Wear them like finely jeweled rings

I am a loaner

Pardon the awkward greeting

The extra forced the introvert

Into the motion of speaking

Wondering where it is that I do fit in

Living life practicing being one

Yet expectations rob me of my rings

They look at me in strange ways

My own generation

I don’t fit in

My greatest achievement

Has become my greatest failure

The ability to never grow completely up

She came to me

An acquaintance passing by

Speaking and listening to my cry

Understanding exactly how I feel

And upon the parting of our ways

Finding that I did not know her 

I said, Miss I’m sorry but I never caught your name

She turned and said,

It’s Understanding Miss Understanding

How many are the fingers out there bearing rings

Yet still mine bear not one

Katovski©2013

 

 

My Universe

Dark to Light

Dark to light

Behind the last shade of gray

Is something more

Something

Clear, crystal, blue

 

First Guardian

            Of my mother

            For she is earth

            Her inhabitants

            My sisters and brothers

            The sky is my father

 

And I am the sun

            Illuminating the goddess Ai

            Ruler of dark

Director of the light

Keeper of time

And controller of the tide

 

Father are you then

            A two way mirror

            Unclouded by certain

            Humanistic traits

            Fulfilling the possibilities

            Of communication

            Between a mother

And her son

Light to dark

            Light to dark

            Far in the foreground

            Of the first shade of gray

            Is the darkest hue

            The darkest blue

            Serenity

            A sky full of

            Fathers’ suns and mothers 

Katovski©2013