The Redefine

The universe has a way
of stripping us down
individually becoming
transparent in a way
unforeseen by the runes
of time

The fight was real in the
struggle to have to fit in
to rise up and be

Every battle a declaration
of war, every failure becoming
something less from the
something more

How many times
how many redefines can one
life possibly endure

I gave up everything
to have nothing to
be free

Standing in the pieces of
my hearts debris assembling
the wreckage becoming
the person, I wish to be

The universe came calling
She kicked me down taking
everything I thought was mine
I’m tired of this revolving door
regeneration

Maybe one day I will learn
that not one thing can do it
not even a carefully orchestrated
group of ideas or things placed
with precision into the facade
will change who or what I am

Because when I am nothing
I am free and when I am free
I am the only one who can
define me
Katovski2016

A Life Misdirected

How is that after spending
Years, no decades, looking
Looking for that one person
place or thing that shifts
the axis of an inner world
carved so deeply into the core
that it turns beautifully
rhythmic out of the chaos
it once was

only then to have the universe
not just say no but to rip apart
the very center of everything
once believed to be the most
sacred of truths

casting out the outcast in a double
jeopardy twist of fate defining a
path not chosen yet destined
where everything around is constantly
changing yet fundamentally one
thing remains the same

unaccompanied in any direction
this burden shoulders alone
the foot prints in the sand belong
to a solo traveler who lost everything
before time began

wicked is the curse which shrouds
a life misunderstood malicious is a
destiny stolen from its rightful heir
hateful is the question unanswered

really, why am I here? Why am I caught
in an instant replay life in which every
episode ends the same? Why am I the
only character that never changes?

Am I the reincarnated soul who chose
to follow his heart and pick love over
riches which misdirected a bloodline

how then now to break the curse?
can this inner world be realigned with
its universe or has time left it behind
for eternity?

My days here grow short
I’m dying on the inside
the journey long and lonely is
the catalyst which keeps me going
and such is a life misdirected

Katovski2017

The Something More

The sun set upon my wonder
While Venus has shone herself
Early in the dusk transition
Now if then the red planet would
Just appear before mercury’s
Appearance within the glow
Of this month’s full moon

Always in search of something
more than this life is giving
more than the emptiness between
heartbreaks more than the hope
in which every waking moment
finds a reason to continue living

the spark that once would
ignite this heart fire now fades
from memories from any known
existence into the noise of chaotic
dimensions

still believing it’s out there
somewhere the spark, hidden
where plain sight meets the
all internal call or is it a craving
is this then the addiction that
will end life as it was wished to be

or maybe it already has and I haven’t
found the good sense to just let this
pass through me

if only I could find the spark and
the heart shaped box in which
what remains my heart is concealed
before the sun sets upon what is
left of my wonder then maybe
I will find that something more

Katovski2017