Tag Archives: heart

The Eve of Something More

The thing is this, I’m scared
a long time ago taking what
remained my heart with
its shards and fragments I
placed them all within the
relative safety of a box

a heart shaped box held fast
by a heart shaped lock and
sealed in wax made out of
tears bled from a thousand
lifetimes of heartache

then taking it to the deepest
darkest depths of and already
imploded inner most world to
the furthermost stone of rock
bottom

inside this heart shaped stone
I lay to rest the heart shaped
box containing every hope and
dream of every life lived from
the beginning to the present
which is empty for I have no
heart

cutting deep and long my hand
I sealed this tomb in the blood
which once pulsed vibrantly
then turned and walked away

returning to life as an outsider
looking in, wondering if happiness
is worth the pain of endurance

yet I feel this may be the eve of
that something more which has
evaded me for eternity

having just now returned from
the stone of rock bottom, sitting
with the heart shaped box on my
lap, picking at the wax with a heart
shaped key

wondering when the lock turns
open if then time will have truly
healed what was ultimately
broken beyond repair

will then the pure light of truth
reveal once again she who has
filled my dreams since the ink
dried on a worthless piece of
paper

one indiscretion does not erase
the multitude of amazing one
person is or contains

If I could only paint a picture
of a thousand words it would
look something like this

I forgive you

Robert S Katovski Olson 2018

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Attraction Factor

Consider the light that shown down
from a dark and star filled night
what then fell to earth behind
the radiance which bathed her in
stardust

yet magic of such dark matters
poisoned a destiny, altering a life in
progress

the heart wants what it wants and in
that respect the heart is stupid. It forgets
how attractive intelligence is, which is a
consideration of the mind.

shall we then consider the flesh? And the
mythical monster called love. Which is really
nothing more than a dressed-up version of
lust, whose primal urge plainly defines it as
I like you enough to want to, fuck you, again!

while in the heat of that moment a relationship
is forged without the alliance of the brain.

you see the brain tells us to be cautious, to take
our time, to not jump off that cliff of impending
doom

while the heart says “that’s nonsense! Come on
let’s jump! Free falling is the orgasm that intellect
forgot!

Impact however, is an important detail which the
heart never thinks about until the searing pain
spreads rapidly and the brain is forced to take over
picking up the pieces in some weird altered state
version of Humpty Dumpty.

somehow, we are led to believe the heart is a compass
when in reality it often leaves us lost

meanwhile the brain stands over there, leaning against
a wall, wearing a black leather jacket, looking like
James Dean, shaking its head, wondering, asking, screaming
what the fuck is wrong with you

at which point in this hallucination James turns into a
twenty-one-year-old marine, who you, I made a promise
to, that you, I would not do this again. When making a
promise to a government trained killer there is a certain
amount of intimidation in the air

so, breathe deep that which will set you free, and in that
freedom find the attraction factor of intelligence

Katovski2017

A Touch in Time

Softly, her fingers slid across my skin
tingling, hair raising deep scream from
within the direst of need

cool trace heated core cascading feelings
inner world bliss in long gentle strokes
rise, to the occasion where tender is the
touch and for the moment something, feels,
right

present life regression to the point where
no one cared while forgotten lives spin, slip
then burn out

the feel of her skin made me happy in ways
that need not be explained, yet time, never on
our side drains quickly from the clock, asking
for an hour really wanting more

is it financially frugal to continue while internally
the needs remind the wants that too much of a
good thing spells addiction in way not defined

drought, the drying of a life spring the dying of a
spirit where simple desire and unanswered wishes
flatline the heart of a world living without

some people seek therapy to relieve the pain of sore
muscles some of us seek therapy just to fulfill a basic
human need

like a cat I have a desire a need a want to be petted
in a manner of speaking through the hands of another
we can experience the warmth of kindness

forgive me, look down on me if you must, but yes, I pay
another human to touch me because I live without
this is the harsh reality of the world we live in

now excuse me please I have an appointment
Softly, her fingers slid across my skin

Katovski2017

Absolutely Nothing

It’s that sick feeling in the
pit of your stomach the same
one you thought was butterflies
early on

funny isn’t it, how a feeling can
have two meanings completely
opposite from one another

the pain experienced when a heart
breaks itself differs much from that
of the shattering caused by another

but then this feeling so many get hooked
on is nothing more than a lie perpetuated
on the need to mate

somewhere in time someone hung a price tag
on such a thing and then commerce was born
in the name of love

boiled down and dissected nothing about it is
free, for it can take your money, your happiness,
and your self-esteem

leaving you alone in a crowd where no one will even
see you, you’re just something to step around like
the indigent on the corner holding a sign worded
need a hug

there wasn’t a question there it was a request for
a basic human need, yet so many struggle on without

people often drop subtle hints as to what is wrong
or what they are about to do but humanity is too worried
about what will it cost them to reach out and touch someone

my butterflies turned to nausea, it’s a good thing I can swim
and or tread water because I realized that unless I come right
out and say that I’m hearing the voices and they keep saying
the same thing they have always said and I am still here alone
trying to be stronger than the very voices telling me I would be
better off

when all that it would take is for one person to realize that my
struggle is real and it could very well end in the dynamics of
something as simple as a caring embrace that cost absolutely
nothing

RobertSKatovskiOlson2017

Tonight I Wait

It’s a question and nothing more
the answer rests with one or is
there a riddle within the query

a chance taken either becomes
the chance given or is left alone
and a case stated becomes the
labor of that which confuses yet
its act clarifies the truth

where a circle has no beginning
and no end somehow there is a
magic in its fullness that always
returns me back

to a point thirteen degrees left
of the northern magnetic pole
in that place where the world
became lost around us and the
single most important thing we
found was an unbreakable bond

certain forces have succeeded to
break us but still our bond remains
even though we are apart for now
or forever

your heart is already in that place
I’m walking backwards so I can see
you coming just in case you change
your mind

soon I’ll arrive at our perfect place
wondering of questions and answers
tonight, I wait

Katovski2017

Ions in the Air

Just as darkness fell upon,
our hands found the door

the water fell far enough
from one cave to another
releasing negative ions
into the air

often I find myself back
in a memory playing like
a slide show breathing in
the recharge

such are the dreams I still
dream whether it’s day
or night even some where
in between

the ions in the air brought
to life intimate details of a
time where we were the
world around us and that
world became the most
important place to be

there is still a place in that
world where intimate
memories wait to find the
recharge it is there that I
wait with them

Katovski2017

Heart Healing

The heart, center of my being
guarded in its fragile state by
a ring of darkness to repel the
negative

calling on the dragons of citron
to place their claws to the north,
east, west, and south absorbing
the first wave of defeat

the goddess placed her moonstone
within the grid to control the onset
of emotional tides brought on during
this healing state

quartz from the crystal caverns east
of the astrals provides the power
to be regulated by the load-stone

mystic tigers have lent an eye to
interpret visions in this process

the six clawed dragons of amethyst
have given one set to ensure the first
line of defense

rose quartz stand watch at the poles
raw in their form ready to ready to
light the beacon

and such is given what then is needed
for a heart to finds its way back

Katovski2017

Did I Get It Wrong

Have I lived my time
with you and now its
over?

no looking back even
if it feels good to the point
that it brings on the sadness
flowing through my veins from
that eternal crack in my heart
that never healed from the first
break.

did I get it wrong?
thinking that continually
re-breaking it will in some
way eventually heal my heart
correctly

what if the hammer that
initially broke it is hiding
in the recesses of a damaged
memory

will taking my hand from its
handle figuratively count as
literally letting it go and will
that be enough

the past will never change
but knowing that, will find
some balance in the future

now I’m looking forward
still recognizing hopes and
dreams that have yet to be
realized

seeing the other side of
that which finds your
beauty wondering if
I ever told you

alas, maybe it’s too late for
such things

Katovski2017

Moments Like This

The sum total of my amazement
was spent here today. For a look
within the look through a vision
of a version of beautiful so unique,
I found myself standing for sitting
shows no respect for the one who
holds the hearts of many. Now the
secret is out and my admiration can
be hidden no more. It was the piercing
look that found its way to the innermost
chambers of the secret place reserved for
moments like this

Katovski2017

thank you for the inspiration Darya Goncharova

Something Stronger Than Love

I was thinking this evening
as I often do considering
the future wondering if I
could find you

Maybe I’m dreaming in a
time or about a place which
I have already found or one
that could be calling me

Recently my inner world
unlocked a door in a box
to a secret destination
holding something important

This may perhaps be an ordinary
key which might just be the one
lovely thing that turns a lock
to a heart shaped box holding
something stronger than love

Remembering that love is an
action more than a word which
can only prove itself in a deed
within a deed from an object
taken from a box stored in a
secret compartment in a world
within a world which when held
hostage complicates everything

Forgiveness shouldn’t be so hard
to find to give to restore the balance
for it is the key within the key inside
the box containing the action that
proves beyond a shadow that love
is real

I’m dreaming of a wish made inside
a dream of a certain place where
Ursa minor can be seen in a sky full
of stars as a beautiful backdrop in
which I can look into your eyes and
and you will know the action of love
in the spoken words, I forgive you

Katovski2017