Growing Pains

it’s been a while now
since you’ve been gone
that downward spiral took
me to a place that seems
endlessly to try taking this
one life I have

the climb from rock bottom
has clearly been an education
the lessons have all been tests
and the summit experience
is a personal peak guarded
from the outside world

who am I today?
a bird of a different feather
feeling the pain of loss
deeper than this remodeled
core of existence can contain

I feel it within my bones
but it’s not what you think
I miss you more than the
friend who took her own
life all those years ago

and I don’t know what to do
about it. no solution presents
itself in any of my day and or
night dreams while still every
night my last thought is a question

that has nothing to do with me and
everything to do with you and in
my head I clearly hear your voice
asking the same

Robert S. Katovski Olson 2018

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