The Biggest Lie

I’ll be fine
is perhaps the biggest lie
ever to pass my lips
It also defines the facade
I’ve worn for so long
that sometimes I truly
believe it to be me
My character has a tragic back story
and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
is a name given for an ailment suffered
due to a situation by a person
who should never have had to go through it
Many of my writings have eluded
to a day, the day that changed my life forever
I found my best friend , the one person
who loved you with out a single condition
lying on a floor in a pool of her own blood
Now that did something to me
When you try to save a life
that is not able to be saved
and feel that last respiration
the last heartbeat along with the spirit
leave the body. Due to cuts in wrists so
deep that you can see bones
The mental and emotional damage
from it is irreparable.
That day, That day caused an extrovert
to go into hiding
That day I said “I’ll be fine”
as a bottle of vodka consumed me
The misconception that opiates
and alcohol could in fact take me
back to the day before became my addiction
which lead to the idea that if going back
was not a possibility then going forward
in death would take me back to that place
Hiding behind my happy, joking I’ll be fine smile facade
has kept my demons at bay
and it keeps me thinking thoughts of
if that never happened would I be telling you
this today? Probably not.
Or would I have found the crossroads
and sold my soul for a piece of the action
along with a pound of gold? Maybe so.
Sacrificial lambs have only one thing in common
which creates the impossibility of saving the life
that was sent to save yours
Embracing the Post Traumatic Stress
helps with healing. It tried to kill me
but I resisted which made me strong enough to
step out from behind the facade and let you know
the real me. Everyday I wish to god this had not happened
I have good days rough days I star gaze
I’m in touch out of touch I have a mad need for human touch
There’s no way out no way back
blank stare sad affair
instant replay
reminds me of who I am
and that truly
I’ll be fine

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